orhkays, i really need this space to rant.

i dun wish to, because i know if i start, im gonna starting crying all over again.

two crucial games for my first two polite games.

but the time i played added tgt for both matches is only 5mins, 5 fucking mins.

and best of all, i didnt get to touch the ball at all for the second game.

first time in my life , i got benched for the whole game.

in my fucking 19 yrs, i have never been bench for the whole game before.

maybe b was right, everything have its first time.

i just gotta learn to accept it.

what im upset and disappointed over is not the playing time.

its that my coach dun even trust or have any lil bit of faith in me.

i can accept comments, scolding whatever.

what i cant accept not even given a chance to prove it.

did i not put in enough effort ?

all the trgs and commitments, what are those for ?

for fun ? to waste my fucking time and effort ?

hello people did you see my effort ? my hardwork ?

who's there to even appreciate my presence?

i dunno, i dunno what to do, what to feel.

someone told me this : here lies a thin line of giving up and proving yourself. please.

this someone is someone who never ever give up on me.

who always encourage me, motivate me and nag at me.

who will share my sadness and disappointments.

who never fail to listen to my ranting.

who are my beloved captain. <3

and thanks to many who are there to encourage me and make an effort to care for me.

i appreciate it alot, really.

since so long i ever felt like i really belong to a team.

thanks my beloved teamieys, those who are truly close to me. <3

projects are tiring and seems like im still slacking.

im mentally stress, and sometimes i really dunno what to do.

and i hardly got time for my sweeties girlfriends.

guess i have been missing a huge part of their lifes.

need time to catch up and meetup with them.

they are also part of me that i cant afford to lose.

as for my boy, there nothing much i want to say.

because i dunno what to say anymore.

maybe i just have to learn to be contented and stop taking him for granted.

whatever.

today i went to run 4km without a valid reason, without people asking me to.

wish to vent all these feelings out.

and thanks my teamieys, gillian and manyi for running with me. <3

feel so much better, but still couldnt get over it, sigh.

well, thats life.

suck it up.

gonna go back to kx tmr.

ask me if im egg-cited ? yes , somehow.

just hope things gonna be fine.

for nao, i shall stop ranting.

goodnights people.

xoxo.

no expectations, no disappointments.