feb gonna be hell busy and stress.
need a getaway trip so badly!

dont expect too much from me.
building walls for my heart so that it would not get hurt anymore.
right nao, whats more impt to me is my friends and family.
nothing else really matters.
so dont be too naise, dont expect anything from me.
im not ready yet.

不是爱不起，只是伤不起。

moving on.

hello people.
happy cny. may this lunar new year bring more happiness.
anyway school gonna start getting busy.
ahhhh. well, its means holiday is coming too.
about a month more and its holiday.
yays.
things seems to be getting better.
just, im moving on.
xoxo

so, thats life.

hi there, another emotional post?
well, page 14 of 366.
so far, 2012 have been a messed.
school is tiring, slowly dreading me out.
projects, assignments, IVP, trainings and main exam in a month time.
busy with school.
how i wish this busy-ness could really keep me busy.
but , no.
sadly, i guess this gonna take a long time.
this heartbreak, is killing me.
but well, gotta suck it up.
thats life, life goes on.
everday, i have to go thru insomnia and i hate it.
im so tired physically, so so tired.
but i just couldnt fall asleep despite lying on bed for so long.
everything i do, everywhere i went, its all about you.
every corner of home has a memories of you.
sigh, i really really wanna get over it fast.
or maybe my heart didnt want me to.
I didnt know i love you so much till when you completely left.
I thot i could handle this well, but no.
everyday, fighting the urge not to text you.
not taking my meals regularly, not having enough sleep.
kill me even better.

xoxo.

im super tired.
i just wanna have a good sleep.
but im having insomnia everyday ):

i couldnt sleep.
so im here to edit my blog.
and its done. time for bed.
goodnights.

if i ask, will you stay?
obviously, i know the answer.
if you will, you wont even leave.
fml.
sucks to be me.

why does it hurt so much?
why isit so hard to pretend its orhkay?
actually there's no one right ?
you still love me dont you?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
i DUNNO WHAT THE FUCK I WANT!
I DUNNO WHAT THE FUCK IM THINKING.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
aint you tired?
youve been running on my mind everyday every minute every second.
aint you tired?
can you just stop?
its killing me.
why didnt you fight for me, if you love me.
im just that worthless.
aint i?
fucking loser, i know.

sometimes i wish i could stay in the dream.
at least WE were happy in it.
but its not reality.
how long more must this torture me?
is there really nothing more you can do?
nothing more for us to turn it ard?
i guess so.

xoxo

could really rape your mind nao.
whats in it?

seems like you moved on pretty fast.
seems like you love someone else.
seems like everything was a dream.
all along its one sided isnt it ?
how did you pretend to love me for so long?
to pretend to love me for 18months.
how did you do that ?
your kisses, your hugs, you love, your concern.
how did you even do that ?
suddenly all the answer seems so clear nao.
your cold texts, losing that sense of closeness.
you could walk off so easily.
because you were bored of me alr.
how did you tell me 'iloveyou' everyday when you dont ?
you treat me likka fool, likka toy.
everyday, im here thinking of you.
crying for you, missing you.
everyday im struggling.
everyday i wish you could just stop and think of me.
everyday i wonder if you're missing me?
everyday i'm still waiting for your texts.
everyday i wish you could come back.
while you mind was occupied by someone else.
stupid, i know.

been two weeks.
still struggling.
still crying.
still missing you.
still loving you.
but no longer wanting you.

so, I'm here missing you everyday&everynight.
while you?
seems like you are so much happier nao.
life must be geat without me.
good for you.

yes, it a brand new year, again.
last year this time, I'm crying for this person.
this year I'm still crying over the same person.
last year, we didnt started officially.
this year, we ended off officially.
funny isnt it?
yes, this is how's life make fun of me.
to finally let me have you and nao lost you.
you're moving on while I'm still stuck here.
trying very hard to keep my mind off you.
to make myself busy.
BUT just BUT you are always on my mind.
no matter how hard i tried, i just couldnt get my mind off you.
neither my heart.
you knew i couldnt afford this heartbreak.
yet you still choose to walk away easily.
I know i have to fucking move on and stop being likka kid.
I know i just have to accept the fact,
yes, i am accepting it.
i just love you, i just miss you.
no matter how unwilling to let go, i have to.
whats the point when you are unhappy.
when you dont love me anymore ?
all i want is you to be happy, even i have to cry myself to bed everyday.
to pretend to be strong in front of my friends.
to be a fucking loser in everybody eyes, in your eyes.
so what ?
just because i love you.
just because this so called 'love'
just because of you.
its not your fault.
its mine.
if from the start, i didnr force you to even start.
things like this wont happened.
im sorry to keep you being unhappy for so long.
im sorry i wasted your time.
im sorry that i love you.
im sorry that im just a fucking loser.
please be happy.

xoxo.
happy new year.