“I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then, but I think I have known it pretty often, too often.”
— Charles Bukowsk

define life.

hi there.
havent been really blogging.
went bintan with my guai-est classmates.
we had fun by the beautiful scenery there. :)
great trip with them <3
came back and work for IT fair under epson printer.
sho busy and tired.
for that one week, i didnt even have any time to think about it.
and nao back to reality.
need to face the facts and all again.
this messy life , messy heart.
was trying sho hard to forget and ignore it.
have been running away from it long enough.
its time to face it and deal with it.
its really impossible to ignore and treat as if nothing happened.
18 months, we have been thru sho long sho many things.
its not easy to just walk away despite hating the fact that you've changed and love someone else.
i cant just forget about it like you.
i cant ignore like as if nothing happened like you.
i cant shut all theses feelings like you.
i just cant.
despite knowing that you moved on or even cheated on me.
i just have to deal with it, i know.
im moving on, but my mind is in a messed, my life is in a messed, sho is my heart.
im tired, very tired.
tired of escaping from this feeling.
tired of trying sho hard to be strong.

just like any other girl.
i wanna be loved.
i wanna be pamper.
i wanna someone to care for.
i wanna have someone to lean on.
i wanna have someone to hug when everything turns out bad.

somebody define life for me.
it wont rain forever.
but will this rain stop soon please.
i miss the smiles on my face.
i miss myself.

hi there.
ermmmm, too much dramas lately.
and well i guess thats what a teens life should be right ?
hehe

sup!
exam is on fri and gonna end on next wed !
4papers in 3 days.
I CAN DO IT, LET GO!
well for the past three days, i have been partying, drinking.
hangovers and hangovers and not forgetting stupid things.
well i forgotten the number of times me and claudia kissed.
HAHAH, its one of the stupid thing we've done.
and many more.... shall keep it confidential uhs.
horrible feelings.
heavy head and heavy heart.
dammmmmm.
Im fucking back to square one again.
sometimes i manage to convince myself ______ yet sometimes my brain and heart is like having war.
why isit that this feelings is haunting me everyday and yet you are happily living your life?
after that day, i claerly know where i stand, where we stand.
i just fucking wants to get over it.

when two people are not meant to be it will end afterall.